“Ponder the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established»
SHE CAME to her first therapy session with this question: “What did I do so wrong?”
Then she fearfully told me her story; how could I not understand her, if I am also a mother? She had devoted her body and soul to her only son: she had spared no time, no care or attention, she had prioritized feeding him and giving him everything he needed to be healthy. However, at only twenty years old, she had had to take him to the hospital due to a drug overdose.
At first, I didn’t know what to say to her. The story was so disturbing, I knew there were no words to relieve her pain. So I limited myself to hold her hand; we both remained silent. Then, she let out a painful cry, «Everything I did was useless!» Psychological counseling theory told me she carried a huge “burden» of guilt that barely let her breathe; there are words you can say at a time like this, but in the simplicity of her pain I was only able to hug her and remain silent. A mother’s helplessness in the face of a son’s failure causes indescribable pain.
How many times have you felt like a failed mother? If you ask me, I would say many. I sometimes remember the mistakes I made with my daughters and how, at the time, they made me feel like a failure as a mother. But then I remember that God, even being a Father who has never made a mistake, has had to see, and still does, how some of His children get lost down the wrong path.
Feelings of failure and guilt can be overwhelming when it comes to children. If you didn’t do the right thing “back then,” do it “here and now.” Re- deeming wasted time is an opportunity God offers us to repair, restore and heal the relationship we have with our children. With patience, acceptance and a sincere desire to rebuild, draw near to your children without reproaching yourself for anything.
Focus on healing your wounds and those of your children. With selfless love, without guilt or remorse, pour every day healing balm on the scars. Your children need an honest and loving mother, not a woman who makes herself the victim crying her eyes out inconsolably.