«Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction» (Proverbs 19:18).
A YOUNG MOTHER, with a child that was barely four years old, came to my office one day. Feeling very sad, she told me, «l am no longer patient.» The little one with a mischievous face was too much for her. The overwhelmed mother could not remember how or when the power struggle had started between them. The child asked, the mother denied; the child screamed, the mother also yelled; the child cried, the mother hit him . . . And after every quarrel, both ended up crying. «This happens every day,» she told me.
Controlling their emotions in front of a stubborn child is very hard for most mothers. When functional anger becomes rage, the child receives verbal or physical punishment, which can consist of a rough shaking, pushing or hitting, not to mention the degrading adjectives they, sadly, receive. When all this happens, children frequently become defiant, confrontational and aggressive. Faced with that attitude in their son or daughter, mothers are filled with guilt and helplessness. Then, a vicious cycle begins that’s very hard to break.
Controlling our emotions is an ability that comes from the so-called emotional intelligence. The way we react when facing circumstances is individual and different for each human being, and is biologically rooted in our nature. However, we can control our moods through will-power and God’s help, if we ask Him for it. ThatS why, when you lose your patience and are very mad in front of your child, try to do the following:
Breathe deeply, so that breathing will help you be calm before acting or reacting.
Make yourself lower the volume of your voice.
Speak in a firm but kind tone.
Tell your child, «Because I love you, I will not allow this.»
Before pointing out a mistake, praise him or her.
Implement discipline and don’t turn back.
Remind him or her that his or her wishes cannot always be carried out.
Finally, provide loving physical contact.
Pray when you feel a situation is too much for you.
«We need to trust in Jesus daily, hourly. He has promised that as our day is, our strength shall be. By His grace we may bear all the burdens of the present and perform its duties» (Testimony Treasures, vol. 2, p. 59).