If only I were appointed judge in the land! Then everyone who has a complaint or case could come to me and I would see that they receive justice» (2 Samuel 15:4).
These words, spoken by I-want-to-be-king-of-the-world Absalom, echo the hidden desire of a lot of adults and juniors. Here’s what I would do if appointed judge in the land.
I’d make all divorced parents of junior-age kids get back together. OK, so one of them did something really stupid. Hey, don’t we all? Let’s show a little forgiveness out there! If physical or sexual abuse was involved, I’d toss ‘emin jail so fast that their sunglasses would still be hanging in midair.
I’d make all public schools teach «Bible» science along with evolution. Let students decide whether they came from river slime or from God’s hand.
I’d make Moose Tracks the official ice cream of the world (that’s vanilla with mini Reese’s Pieces in it—yum!).
I’d ban drum kits from church services. If you want to rock and roll, go on a nature hike. God isn’t impressed with noise or swaying bodies. He’d much rather listen to the joyful praise generated by a life in tune with His will.
I’d make all pastors take one full day and one-half day off each week. No phones, no committee meetings, no visits. They’ve got a life and need to live it.
I’d insist that all juniors spend two minutes each day reading something spiritual. Oh yeah, you’re reading this book. One down, five to go!